


we don't exist together (you and i)

by onenightinbangkok



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Jinyoung is all kinds of dumb help him, Multi, Slowish build, jinyoung is in love with yugyeom, there's no cheating here lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 23:01:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18061859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onenightinbangkok/pseuds/onenightinbangkok
Summary: Avoiding something usually brings more problems, he knows this. This time though, if he walks out of Yugyeom's life, it'll be the best thing to do, and all he wants for Yugyeom is to be happy.





	we don't exist together (you and i)

**Author's Note:**

> oh dear god

He doesn’t let his tears fall.

He can’t, not in front of the boy that is the sun on a winter day.

Jinyoung is freezing, though he sticks around to allow that sliver of sunlight to warm his heart. It does.

Yugyeom just stands there, yelling out to him with the brightest smile on his face as he waits for Jinyoung to jog up to him. Jinyoung wants to see if he can let the younger come to him first but his feet never give him the chance to. His heart stumbles, but his shoes click confidently on the pavement, following the path that leads to Yugyeom.

He forces a smile onto his face, bracing himself for what comes next as Yugyeom appears before him.

“Hyung! My date went really well with Yerin! I thought it was going to be horrible and awkward because I almost couldn’t cut the meat but she only laughed and helped me一” He blocks out Yugyeom’s animated voice but makes sure to smile and nod, always smile and nod.

He doesn’t hate Yerin, but he loves Yugyeom.

Maybe he strongly dislikes her.

He absolutely knows that she didn’t take him away from him, but he also can’t help but resent her for being the one to hold his hand, kiss his cheek and make him blush in the late hours of the night. It shouldn’t be him either, seeing that he could never muster up the courage to confess to Yugyeom, but it still feels unfair nonetheless.

His thoughts are interrupted by Yugyeom tugging him back roughly.

“Where are you going? Silly hyung, we’re here!” Yugyeom pinches his cheek and skips into the small cafe and Jinyoung realises that he was about to walk head first into the wall instead of through the door.

He collects himself and follows Yugyeom inside, pleased that it’s cozy. Yugyeom makes his way around tables to slip into the booth at the back which is in a secluded spot, and if he hadn’t just been on a date, Jinyoung would have thought that he was the one that was being taken on one. The world doesn’t feel real at the moment. It’s like he’s there in the physical form, but his mind is floating, playing back every memory of theirs in front of his eyes. He’s so lost in thought that Yugyeom has to snap his fingers in front of him to get his attention.

“Jinyoungie-hyung? What are you going to order?” Yugyeom asks him gently and he blinks hard.

“Oh? I’ll just have a black coffee.” He says more to Yugyeom than to the waitress he hadn’t noticed come up to the table and he snaps the menu book shut.

“You’re no fun, why would you order something so, plain?” He looks up to see Yugyeom pout at him and he abruptly looks down, pretending to adjust the cuff of his pants. He’s not about to explain to Yugyeom that feeling bitter and drinking something that mimics the feel will mellow out his heavy heart. He sighs and shoots their waitress a tight lipped smile, missing the way she perks up at him finally giving her attention.

He rests his cheek on his hand, looking at the tiny flower arrangement on the table. He spots baby’s breath and before he realises it, he plucks out the flower from the bunch, leans over the table and tucks it behind Yugyeom’s ear.

Time does this strange thing then in that moment. He feels stuck, everything is moving around him but he’s rooted to the spot. Yugyeom doesn’t seem to be bothered and he wonders why he feels hurt at the fact that the younger brushes off his actions as something he’d normally do. He sees Yugyeom take out his phone to snap a selfie of himself with the flower in his hair and only snaps out of his daze when he hears the tell-tale sound of a click closer to him.

“Did you take a picture of me?” He can’t help out how cold his tone comes out but he feels bad when Yugyeom’s smile wavers.

“Yeah, but I can delete it if you want me to don’t worry about it-” Jinyoung cuts him off with wave of his hand and Yugyeom’s smile is back in full force.

 

\--

 

They make small talk. He knows that Yugyeom can sense that something is off with him but he’s grateful to the younger for not asking any questions. He feels queasy and out of focus, watching Yugyeom’s mouth move and his eyes sparkle as he laughs. 

He’s aware that he’s smiling at Yugyeom genuinely, not hearing a word that comes out of his pink lips but he can’t control his actions. Yugyeom could do anything and Jinyoung would naturally swoon.

When their coffee arrives, Yugyeom demands to take yet another picture of the two of them together and he complies. He allows a small smile to make its way onto his face and Yugyeom angles his face towards his, making him acutely aware of how close Yugyeom actually was. If he just turns his head slightly, their noses would brush together and two lips would touchー

“I’m posting it! No, wait. Hyung should I send it to the groupchat?” All Jinyoung can do is nod to Yugyeom’s question.

Not even a minute passes and his phone already starts vibrating, so much so that it almost slides off the table.

 

**Bam “Hyung”**

_ OHHHHH my handsome boysssss _

 

**S(atan)unshine**

_ Uh? Jinyoung? _

 

**Wang Gae**

_ o.O Nice pic... _

 

**LA Tuan**

_ Bum-ah, help _

_ Something seems off. _

 

He glances at the attached selfie of the two of them and suddenly he understands why everyone except BamBam seems to be hinting at something else.

He’s staring at Yugyeom’s mouth in the photo. He knows that look. He knows that if Yugyeom hadn’t interrupted his thoughts yet again, he would have moved a fraction of an inch to tug Yugyeom’s plush lower lip into his mouth.

His eyes burn in an effort to not cry and he’s thankful for yet another buzz from his phone.

He clenches his jaw slightly and opens the message.

 

**Jaebum Hyung**

_ Subtlety is not your forte  _

  
  


In a nutshell, he wants to die. He wants to ignore the fact that Yugyeom is looking at him with wide eyes, waiting for him to finish texting.

He excuses himself and assures Yugyeom with a smile that Jaebum wants to call him, that that’s the only reason he’s going to step out into the biting cold weather outside.

He presses the call button harshly and welcomes the icy wind on his flushed cheeks. He didn’t know that the temperature would drop so suddenly, being so cocooned in the warmth of the cafe and he can’t help but think that’s what it’s like to be with Yugyeom. Reality hits him like a brick wall when he isn’t with the younger.

After two rings, Jaebum picks up.

_ "What was that Jinyoung?” _

He sighs and watches his breath mist in the cold air.

“Listen, I didn’t think he was going to snap a picture like that okay?” He sounds panicked but tries his best to level his voice. His bullshit however doesn’t make it past his oldest friend. In some ways, he wishes he didn’t know Jaebum so well, because they’re so in tune with each other, it’s as they’ve become one person. While it usually is something to marvel at, right now, it’s trapping him in his own stupidity.

_ "Why would you agree to go out with him? When you know how you feel and you knew he was going to tell you everything Jinyoung? It’s like you want your heart broken?”  _ He brings the phone away from is ear and feels his throat ache, he swallows hard.

_ “I’m sorry.” _

He smiles. “It’s okay hyung, I know you want what’s best for me.” He struggles to say the words and a tear slides down his cheek. He hears Jaebum saying something else but he hangs up in fear that he might actually start sobbing.

He makes his way back inside the cafe and almost falls to the ground.

Yerin is making her way towards their table and while he knows that there was absolutely no way that she knew Yugyeom was going to be there, it tears him apart when he sees Yugyeom’s face light up into one of the brightest smiles he’s seen on the younger. He hates it.

He stands there for too long because Yugyeom spots him and calls him over, a smiling Yerin opposite him, waving her hand slightly.

He runs.

He can’t hear Yugyeom call for him and frankly, it would have hurt him if he turned back. He’s left his coat in the cafe but he can’t bring himself to care, struggling to breathe. He doesn’t know how far he’s gotten but he only stops because he trips, falling hard on the snow covered ground and he sees blood. It seeps into the soft white and it reminds him of his heart. There’s so much blood but he doesn’t care about where the wound is, it doesn’t hurt at this point.

There aren’t many people around him and he finds comfort in that. With shaky hands, he dials Jaebum’s number, telling him to pick him. He sounds slightly slurred and when Jaebum asks him if he’s alright, he laughs and laughs and laughs. His phone falls to the ground next to him and he curls up on the snow, laughter reduced to intense crying.

He’s screaming but he can’t hear himself. Yugyeom can’t hear him. He claws at the cold ground but he can’t feel the ice. He knows it’s supposed to be freezing but he can’t feel it, can’t feel anything. People are starting to gather closer to him now, pointing and asking questions and he wants to pour his heart out to them, wants them to give him a solution but his mouth doesn’t open to speak.

Time moves forward, or stops, he doesn’t know but distantly he feels someone haul him up onto his knees. It’s Jaebum and his blank eyes stare into his friend’s frantic ones. He can see Jaebum’s mouth moving but it’s silent. Rough fingers brush away his tears and he didn’t know that he’d been crying the whole time. Everything feels like it’s going in slow motion, and when Jackson picks him up like a child, he feels the tears this time, warm on his face. He notices that he’s shivering and that maybe leaving his coat behind wasn’t the wisest move on his part. His fingers are numb and there’s drying blood under his nails.

Jackson places him on his lap in the car and Jaebum is speeding. He still can’t hear anything and he holds onto Jackson’s hand tightly, afraid that he’ll slip into darkness if he doesn’t have the hand to anchor him down.

 

\--

  
  


They reach somewhere, somehow and he recognises it to be Jaebum and Jackson’s shared apartment. Mark is there and upon seeing them, he snaps out of whatever daze he was in and helps Jackson carry him to the couch. 

He hasn’t said a word to them and he can see the worry etched onto their faces.

Mark leaves briefly to fetch the first aid kit and Jackson curls up on his lap this time. He looks down and wants to soothe Jackson, hates that he looks like a wounded puppy. Jaebum sits crossed legged in front of him which makes him aware that he’s sitting that way too. He wiggles his toes slightly, trying to get them to function and slowly, things come back to him. He hears Jackson hum slightly, Jaebum’s steady breathing, Mark’s footsteps coming towards him. He feels Jackson’s comforting weight on him and he wishes that he had washed his hands so that he could have played with the soft brown hair.

Mark moves to sit beside him, motioning for him to turn his head. He feels a sting under his chin and Mark mutters a quiet sorry, concentrating on cleaning the gash caused by his fall. The older smoothes a fat plaster in place of the cotton and cups his face with one hand.

‘What happened?” Jaebum looks up at him and he feels small. He lets out a shaky breath and closes his eyes, not wanting the scene to play out before his eyes.

“Yerin.” His jaw flexes. “She was there, I don’t think she knew Yugyeomie was going to be there when she walked in, but we were supposed to be there together.” He pauses. “I knew what I was getting myself into when I went to see him but I couldn’t handle _ that _ . She was sitting in my spot and, it wasn’t me. I wasn’t the one making him smile, I’m not the one he’s introducing as the person who he went on a date with. He likes her, a lot, I can tell and trust me, I am happy for him, I want him to be happy, but I can’t be there to witness it. Not until I’m over him.” He looks up, finally after spewing out what’s been stuck in his chest and Jaebum is frowning sadly. Mark’s fingers stroke the top of his hand and Jackson sniffs quietly into his thigh.

He knows what they’re thinking. That he could have told Yugyeom a while back, when the younger liked him too, but he had refused to acknowledge it. They’re good friends though, they’ll only tell him once he collects himself.

After a heavy silence, Jackson speaks.

“Hey but like, do you want me to run you a bath? Cause I wanted you to play with my hair but your hands are all gross, I’m not into blood play.” His tone is light but his hands squeeze Jinyoung’s leg.

He laughs. It’s quiet but he does and he sees Jaebum and Mark smile slightly.

“Seunie, you’re my absolute favourite, do you know that?” His voice is wobbly and Jackson moves his head off of his lap to sit upright.

Jackson has tears in his eyes but he smiles his biggest smile and gently tugs Jinyoung off the couch. He pushes him towards the bathroom and Jinyoung is grateful that he has him in life, all of them really.

He sits on the edge of the tub and opens the tap, watching the hot water gush out and he resists the urge to put his hand directly under the water, he supposes it isn’t a good idea to burn his hand off. When it does fill up, he swirls his hand gently in the water, staining it with blood, watching it turn into a dull shade of pink. He hates the colour and wants to bleed with fresh blood, wants it to be darker but he with a start, he realises that the implication of that is slightly dangerous.

He strips down, slowly, and makes his way into the tub, finally relaxing and he groans, shoulders aching as the water soothes it.

He’s tired, so tired. He knows he should have confessed to Yugyeom ages ago but back then, his ego held him back and he thought that Yugyeom was childish, not fit for him. But he watched the younger grow into a stunning young man, capable of confidently standing on his two feet and the gangly almost-adult he once knew turned into a Greek wonder. A strong nose, pretty eyes, and mouth he deemed sinful, it was almost too much for Jinyoung to take.

It’s too late now, he thinks.

Jaebum comes in, interrupting his thoughts and he’s almost grateful to the other.

“Wear these, and don’t take too long, Mark made food, it’s going to get cold.” His best friend says gently but not in a pitying way. This is why he loves Jaebum. He knows how to comfort without feeling sorry for Jinyoung and he appreciates it greatly because while Jaebum isn’t excusing his faults, he does understand when life goes to shit.

“Hyung?” His voice comes out soft.

“Yeah?” Jaebum’s eyes are kind and he feels himself almost tear up again.

“Thank you.” He whispers out and Jaebum squeezes his wet hand, bending forward to drop a small kiss on his forehead.

He watches him walk out and gets to drying himself. He’s quick, and when he picks up the clothes Jaebum left out for him, a loud and surprised laugh makes its way out of his mouth. Jaebum has lent him his own underwear and he can’t stop laughing, feeling sixteen again.

He puts them on, followed by the rest of his clothes and he’s greeted by the sight of a slight spread of food and his three friends sitting comfortable in home clothes.

He’s brought to silent tears once more and falls into Mark’s open arms. Jackson joins the hug, then Jaebum and he’s never felt safer, tucked away from the harshness of the world, his own feelings and he thinks, screw it, he’ll deal with his broken heart later.

**Author's Note:**

> why did i write this um wowow. also there are typos (probs) but my eyes are burning ololololo so i'll make sure to come back and check this!


End file.
